Blah. I should be sleeping. I actually have time to sleep (sort of). But I'm restless. I'm thinking about going for a walk... I dunno. It's late, and i have church tomorrow, and a day full of homework and stuff... So I should sleep. But I don't feel like it. I'm tired, but I know I won't sleep... I don't know why I'm so restless. Grr.
I made the some of the SQL (SeQueL, not SQuirreL!!) part of my auction program work... which makes me happy. Yay for me... anyway... And I scanned some pictures for my website if I ever have time to redesign it. I have some layouts and stuff done, but blah.... time is definately an issue.
Which is another reason I should sleep. I hate not sleeping. Or not being able to sleep, I guess. It really sucks... when I'm sleepy, I have homework to do, and when I have time to sleep, I can't. I seriously need to get some help or something. This can't be normal... or something.
I find it to be interesting.... there are certain outfits in my closet that seem to pull people out of the woodwork... I wear one of these outfts, and guys I haven't seen since I was a freshman pop up and say hi. They say things like, "Hey, remember me? I sat three seets behind and two seats to the left of you in Early Western World. How's life?" And I'm going, "Do I know your name? Did you ever actually speak to me when we were in that class together?" It's kind of odd. I don't really understand it... I mean, really. Anyway....
Oh yeah, just an off topic wondering... why do people feel obligated to tell me about their sex life? Do I have a sign over my head that says "Dr. Ruth" or something? Really, I'm not that experianced... Really, I have no advice to give... Really, I don't want to know... Really, I feel no reason to share the details of my personal life, past or present... Really, sex is not the most important thing in a relationship, nor should it be the basis for a relationship... There are other things, you know, like personality and crap like that. I swear... people's outlook on life is so different than mine.
Like a conversation I had today. I was talking to this guy, and the topic of sex came up, and he said something about (hypothetically) screwing some girl he didn't have any feelings for whatsoever... Commenting that guys can get off on any girl, as long as she is warm (basically). My response was that, at least to me, it would be better to handle any sexual urges I had on my own than to sleep with someone I didn't love and had no commitment to... And he said that guys aren't like that, yeah, that they do things by themselves, but they will sleep with (almost) any girl, given the chance. Which is so odd to me. I mean... I just totally don't understand. I know not *all* guys are like that... but still. Sex complicates everything... I can't imagine just randomly screwing anything that held still long enough. One would think it would lose it's specialness. And then what happens when you find someone you really love, whatever that means? Would you rather tell them you had had no other or a very few other previous partners, or that you had slept with everyone on campus? I realize that no one is perfect... but who wants to be just another notch in someone's bedpost?
I know that most, if not all, of my moral beliefs are based in my religion. And I wouldn't want to force that on anyone... I'm not condemning people to hell for having or not having sex... Or even saying that makes them bad people. Sex is a personal desicion I have no business judging. I'm just saying I don't understand the thought process behind it. Nor do I understand why sex is somehting to brag about... but hey, that's just me.
Maybe that's why I can't sleep. I think too much. Yeah, that's it. I hereby resign from thinking.... at least until tomorrow.
posted by Deedee 1:51 AM
This is my brain..... in part, at least.
