ok... something weird is going on with my comments.... yeah. They're all there, the number just doesn't show up on the link. So yeah. Check them anyway, I guess.
This is my new blogchalk: United States, Mississippi, Starkville, Mississippi State University, English, Deedee, Female, 16-20, Gaming, programming. :)
Had to update the dadgum thing so they'd give me my picture back :-)
posted by Deedee 6:30 PM
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Tuesday, March 25, 2003
Yeah... I feel like this... a lot. (credit where credit is due: I stole the link off of Manda's blog *grin*)
Guess what guesswhatguesswhat!!! Chad is coming to see me today :-) I love my Chad.
I wanted to get some work done before he got here, but ra is *still* down, and my programs are stored there. grr. I may have to start over, and store them on Disney or something. Yeah. Anyway...
So life is ok... Didn't get much sleep last night, due to some drama with people I used to know back home... Someone I hadn't talked to in like, 2 years, called me... He talked to me for like, an hour.... Mostly about school and stuff... and then about his personal life. Yeah. So lots of crap went down last night... At midnight, I ended up calling and talking to him while he sat in the Emergancy Room waiting room and waited to find out if his girlfriend had lost their baby (she just told him yesterday that she was really pregnant)... And he called me about 4am, when he got back to her apartment... She did lose the baby... and they were both pretty tore up. She was 14 weeks along...
So yeah. Last night was interesting. But I think they're going to make it. (btw, I got dude's permission to post this.... and I gave him the addy, so he may show up here... we'll see)
Today is good though.... because Chad is coming. And that makes everything all better.
posted by Deedee 9:44 AM
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Sunday, March 23, 2003
When someone comes and tells you this "new" thing they just learned, all wide eyed and excited about having figured out one more thing about how the world works, have you ever been like, Yeah, duh... how did you not know that? Thereby deflating their little cool trip, and in the process, making them feel stupid... and then, upon later inspection, you realize that they did not lack this information because they are stupid, you had access to this information because you are a freak?
Me either.
So yeah... could say a lot. about war. and people. and relationships. and me. but I'm not sure where to start. *sigh*
So... war, I guess. War is.... never good, I suppose, but needed sometimes. Is this one of those times? I don't know. This is the first realy military conflict that I've been old enough to care much about... I mean, I remember Desert Storm... Daddy was at sea the whole time, and Mom and the kids and I were living in Navy housing... I remeber knowing there was a war, but war was really far away, and kind of a term I didn't understand, fully. But now we're at war. and I haven't heard any really good reasons for us *not* to be at war... but war sucks. people die... on both sides. and that's never cool. They were talking on the news today about the soldiers that have been killed... and they showed pictures of this one guy... he was so... average... someone's son, brother, etc..... and he could have so easily been on of *my* boys.
People. I don't understand people. I don't understand the mentality that allows people to display one image to the world (like, say, the image of an extremely pious church-goer who probably is his denomination's equivalent of a deacon or an elder)... and yet live a totally different life (like one that includes, say, bragging about sexual exploits). People hurt my head. A lot. On another note about people... I don't understand people who don't respond to "I'm not comfortable with that." Dadgum it, if I'm not comfortable with something you're doing to me or around me, don't do it... or wait until I leave... or leave yourself.
Relationships... Mine? all of mine are ok right now, I guess... Chad's coming down Tuesday, so everything's great as far as that relationship goes. Everyone else's? No comment. Yeah. We'll leave it there.
Me? I'm tired. and i have stuff to do. And I want to sleep. other than that, I'm ok, I guess. Sir Mix-A-Lot is going to be at the Hunt Club for my birthday... so that's going to be awesome... I'm oging home again (hopefully) the end of April.
I asked Daddy what he wanted us to dance to at my wedding.... he said he'd think about it, but hte first response was Sunrise, Sunset from Fiddler On The Roof. Which is good, because my first thought was A Book Report On Peter Rabbit from You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown. I htink Fiddler is definately more appropriate :)
posted by Deedee 3:19 PM
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Thursday, March 20, 2003
Rawk!! NASAexplores Rev2 went live today... check out the new layout and stuff. If you're looking for stuff I put together, try "Just for Fun"... most of those puzzles and stuff are stuff I did for summer/holiday features. Other than that I mostly do background stuff and let the teachers handle the lessons and articles. anyway.... take a look... this ones been in the works for like, two years... and it's finally here!! Yay!!
posted by Deedee 10:39 AM
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Wednesday, March 19, 2003
hmm... sorry for the lack of posting lately... I'm really not dead... but my laptop may be... the fan is knocking again... and i haven't had time to fix it. I hate hardware....
So yeah... What's new in my life? eh. Not much. homework... going home this weekend... slept at the Wesley last night.... ok, so I didn't *intend* to sleep at the Wesley... but I ended up there anyway :) and all was good.
Last night at the Wesley generated a bizzilion random quotes... but I can't remember any of them? Or at least not anything repeatable.
So this morning, after my first two classes, I was supposed to be studying for a test.... and i started cleaning out my desk drawers instead (it's amazing what I get done when I'm putting things off). And in my center drawer I found a bunch of envelopes... all the letters Chad had waiting for me the day he proposed to me... and I pulled them all out and read them again... I even have the post-it note list he wrote to make sure he didn't forget anything... *sigh* I miss Chad. It's like... I'm not complete without him here... I feel like I'm missing a part of me...
But... enough mushy stuff... Chad will be down here like, next week, and it will be fun :) And he'll be down here for keeps in the fall... Yay!!
posted by Deedee 3:20 PM
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Friday, March 14, 2003
The relationship advice TI-89 is back... Yay! Or something....
So yeah. Being on the outside of a relationship, and having inside information... is weird. ok, I guess... but weird.
Grr... I have so much to say and none of it will translate into pixels... so I'll just let this one sit for a while. *sigh*
posted by Deedee 1:27 PM
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I am the o nly person on my team that has a window *yay* So I got to watch rain earlier today.... which almost makes up for the fact that I didn't get to go out in it.... almost.
So here I am at work... Alan's kept me pretty busy the last couple of days, doing real important stuff... or stuff, anyway. But it's all cool. Work is work... and I got to do lots of data entry, which I love *grin*
I went to church last night... huge nostalga binge. It was so weird to be back... I haven't really been there in so long... and yet, nothing really has changed. AWANA still runs like clockwork (five minutes late)... one or two of the people I knew in high school were still there for whatever reason... Emily and I talked for a while... she's senior, and dating someone, and excited about graduation.... and I talked to Mrs. Duffey, who used to teach Cubbies (3's and 4's) with me... but other than that, no one had much to say.
The new youth minister put up a bulletin board: 30 Years of Depot (youth group)... there were like, 30-35 pitures up there... looking at them last night, I realized that though I spent 6 years in the youth group, I wasn't in any of the pictures... it was so very typical... and yet almost depressing. I saw a few of the people that were in youth group the same time I was last Sunday... but we didn't talk or anything... it's like I live on a plane they don't believe exists....
I dont know... this whole trip home, I've noticed things I haven't taken the time to notice before... things like how comfortable my little neighborhood is.... and how much I love Grandmother's house... how pretty Huntsville looks coming over Chapman Mountain at night... little things like that. Maybe it's because I'm slowly realizing that someday I'm going to have to move away... or maybe I've just been gone for to long... I dunno. It's odd.
yeah.... so can we find the discrepency between these two articles?
If a cloned embryo is considered human before it is implanted into a womb... isn't a full-term or almost full-term fetus then also human? Or did I miss the logic on that one?
posted by Deedee 3:54 PM
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Too funny... Too funny... can't... stop... laughing.... Hackers... and Coffee... what more could you ask for?
posted by Deedee 1:44 PM
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Monday, March 10, 2003
Yay!! I'm at work... I didn't get yelled at too bad this morning... I'll deal, anyway. Got everything squared away... got a pass to get on base for the week... it's all good.
Daddy came home today!! No more icky hospitals for us...
Oh yeah, and a side note... I'm at work this week, so there are certain words that shouldn't show up in your IMs to me... I won't give examples, but I trust you are all old enough to figure it out... I work in a government office... at the moment, I have no cube walls... So anyone can see what I'm reading. So.... be careful. If it's that vital that I must know, send me an e-mail or something (a warning in the subject line would be nice). kthx.
posted by Deedee 4:05 PM
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Sunday, March 09, 2003
I can't find my badge. And I have to go to work tomorrow. Which means the soldiers at the gate are going to yell at me for not having a badge, and the people in security are goign to yell at me for not having a badge, and I'm sure a few more people will yell at me.... Dadgum it all, I've worked there for like, two years, and I've never lost my badge... why did I have to pick this week to do it?
I went to church today... which was exhausting. Typical of Calvary, though... I miss Aldersgate. Church shouldn't wear you out. After church, I took Mandie to the hospital to visit Daddy, and the Cunninghams were there. So we talked for a few minutes, then they left, and Mom wanted me to go to Wal-mart... she still can't drive, because of her shoulder. so Mandie and I went to Wal-mart, then back to the hospital, Where Uncle Chuck's parents were visiting Daddy. they talked for a while, then left, and Mandie and I stayed for a few more minutes... then we came home. we all ate lunch, I watched AI.
Now I'm going to bed.... Hopefully sleep will do me some good.... if an Army reserve guy with a gun on his back yelled at me right now, I'd probably cry. And the last thing I need this week is to start crying at the guard house.
posted by Deedee 8:24 PM
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Yay!! Daddy just called to tell me he farted last night.... which means they can start weaning him back onto solid food. (He's been living on ice chips since Monday morning). So... they might send him home as early as tomorrow. Yay!!
posted by Deedee 9:32 AM
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Saturday, March 08, 2003
Ok. I slept like, 10 hours last night. Or rather, I ceased to exist for 10 hours last night... no dreams, no moving... but I'm not sure I slept... Because today I feel like I was hit by a bus. Seriously... every muscle in my body is sore... I have no clue what's wrong with me. We'll just chalk it up to I dunno... stress or something.
So I'm home. I know I'm home, because the house is a wreck, the kids are fighting, and I'm driving the van. None of which is particularly a problem, but they make life interesting. I go to work on Monday... I get to drive in and everything *grin*
My family is ok... Rob is bummed because he's still supposed to be laying still... so he's effectivly grounded until Wednesday night. Mandie just got back from Bible quizing... her team took 3rd in quizzing, and 2nd in the sports compitition. Yay for them!! Mom is stressed, but she's alive.
Daddy's doing a whole lot better... he's hoping to come home Tuesday or so... we're not sure yet. Anyway... that's where we stand.
and again, I am falling sleep on my feet. So yeah. Later, y'all. Call me if you get bored... without my books, I'm going nuts *grin*
posted by Deedee 8:04 PM
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Friday, March 07, 2003
I am home. Yay for home.
William brought me up here, 'cause he's cool like that, and he wanted to see the inside ofHuntsville Hospital again. *grin* So I got to see Daddy, and he's doing ok... better today than yesterday, he's hoping to come home on Tuesday or something. I got to talk to Dr. Dang, Dad's oncologist, so now I'm more informed as to what's going on. Yeah.
I am falling asleep at the keyboard, so I'm going to sign off... I'll try to write more and be more coherent like, tomorrow or something.
posted by Deedee 9:02 PM
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Wednesday, March 05, 2003
It's Ash Wednesday. The day we more or less celebrate mortality. Appropriate, I suppose.
So I finally decided what I'm giving up for Lent. I'm giving up *drum roll*.... Books. Or, at least, reading book for fun. I can't give up my school books, nor can I give up my Bible, nor will Mom let me give up wedding planning books. But all novels, and any history/political books I would read just for kicks are out... 40 days and 40 nights, not counting Sundays... It'll be tough, but I'll make it.
Giving up books makes sense for several reasons. One, I spend too much time reading when I should be doing other things. Two, Lent is about sacrifice, and self denial... so what could I give up that is more a part of my life than books? Three, books are my escape from reality. When my world is too much to handle, I read a book and jump into someone else's world... so Lent would be a good time for me to face reality again. Not that I don't have other escapes to fall back on... books just seem to be the best.
I tried to read some yesterday, to finish Two Towers before Lent started... but I couldn't do it. I got, like, two pages into what I was reading, and, as always happens when I read Tolkien, I could almost hear Daddy reading to me... my perception of what each of the charaters should sound like is based on the voices he used when he read the Trilogy to us... I couldn't handle it.
So 40 days and 40 nights might be enough time to me to root myself firmly back into reality, and to deal with the emotional ties I have to certain books. Hopefully I'll aquire some good novels over Spring Break that I can read after Easter....
posted by Deedee 1:04 PM
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Insight, as always, helped sort me back out.
So here I am. In Starkville. And my family is in Huntsville. Which is ok, normally, I guess. But right now it sucks. On the other hand, here, I have friends who can support me, and understand that I'm ging through a hard time. At home, I have a family that is going through the same thing I am.
I'v made it through the last few days on shock and adrenaline... When mom called me Friday, I was upset, but I was ok.... because Mom wasn't ok. And we can't both not be ok.
So since then, Mom has become ok... and I'm going home... but I have this awful fear that if I suddenly become not ok, Mom will be not ok, too. And that would be bad.
So yeah. After Spring Break, I'm going to have a nervous breakdown... I just have to make it through break.
And I don't think any of that made any sense at all. To anyone but me.
posted by Deedee 12:30 AM
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Tuesday, March 04, 2003
Daddy's test results came back... The stuff they took off his liver was cancer... they found cancer in his lymph nodes... They're going to let him recover from his surgury for a while before he starts chemo... so he'll start that in like, a month or something. Mom's sending him to the oncologist (spelling?) that Laura and Aunt Kaye work for.
I can't write anymore right now. I can't think. So I'm going to go to Insight, and hope that puts everything back in perspective.
posted by Deedee 6:18 PM
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Sorry I didn't post last night... things have been really crazy.
Daddy made it through surgury ok yesterday... they took out half his colon and something off of his liver... we'll know by tomorrow whether he'll need chemo or anything like that, they really have no idea at this point. Daddy is... well, Daddy, I guess. He's taking everything one step at a time, and he's making it. Mom is... Mom. But less spazzed than she was... calmness is good.
Me? I have no clue... I just want to go hide somewhere for a couple of days and not have to think. But, since that doesn't seem to be an option... I guess I'll keep going to class, and look forward to Spring Break. Yay!!
posted by Deedee 9:33 AM
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Sunday, March 02, 2003
interesting note about the weekend: I promise I'll sum up the weekend later, but let me tell y'all this.... you missed my southern accent. I mean... really. It was out there. Coming back from New Orleans, I was so tired that I drawled... southern like you wouldn't believe. Pointy boots, anyone?
posted by Deedee 11:21 PM
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Daddy update: Surgery is at 5pm tomorrow... Daddy's on the 7th floor of Huntsville Hospital right now, but they'll move him after surgery. He is still doing great... as funny as ever, he told me he is delighted to join the "semi-colon" club... Mom is still weirded out, but doing better... Mom and Mandie both have Strep, Rob still has the mumps (and Strep).... but they are all hanging in there. I'll be going home Thursday or Friday...
But now I have homework/sleep that needs to get done. So I'll type more later.
posted by Deedee 11:14 PM
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Saturday, March 01, 2003
Hey.... quick update on the status of Deedee's life: I am in McComb, visiting Anna. My mom called me this afternoon to tell me that Daddy's routine colonoscopy turned out to be not routine... they found cancer, and it's apparently pretty big. They admited Daddy to the hospital, and they're going to operate Monday or Tuesday... Daddy's all cool, taking everything in stride... Mom is a basketcase.
And my brother has the mumps. you know, the kind you get vaccinated for... yeah. He got them anyway.
So I'm keeping in contact with the family through cell phones... Mom's told me not to come home yet, to continue acting normal... so we're trying. Everything here is continuing as planned, with the exception that if Mom calls, we may drop everything and run to Huntsville.
So yeah. Pray, or light a candle, or send positive energy, or whatever it is that you people do... all of it will be greatly appreciated. Not sure how much online time I'll have this weekend... but I'll try to keep y'all posted.
posted by Deedee 12:12 AM
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This is my brain..... in part, at least.
