So it's 5am. And I'm just getting home. Why am I out so late on a school night? Well, for starters, my only class tomorrow got cancelled, so no getting up early for me. But that usually isn't enough to make me break my routine. Sbbn had a paper he wanted me to proof... but I knew that if I decided to go to bed, he wouldn't worry about it. So that's not what kept me up... I have no papers or projects due...
I am up because I don't want to sleep. Sleep has, in effect, become the enemy. Or rather, not sleep itself, but dreams, which tend to be a byproduct of sleep.
Sometimes I wish I could be like normal people, and not remember my dreams... or not dream at all. But the only way I get out of dreaming is if I'm really really tired... I somehow skip the REM thing and get good sleep.
So this evening, a bunch of us were up at the Wesley... and the TV was on, and I was tired... and we were all stretched out on couches and stuff... and I fell asleep. First, let me tell you, the Wesley is an awesome place to sleep. I don't know why, but it is. But, I don't usually let myself fall asleep there, just so I don't freak people out when I wake up. Anyway... I wasn't thinking tonight, and I fell asleep. Which might have been ok... except last night was the first night in like, a month that I hadn't had nightmares... so I slept along fine... then Chad called, and pulled me out of a terribly vivid nightmare. I was so shaken, I couldn't stand up... literally, I stood up and sat down on the floor. When I found my phone, I called Chad back, and managed to talk to him for a minute or two. Which calmed me down, some... but I was still so shakey... I thought I was going to be ill. Matt helped calm me down... and got me somewhat normalised about the time Sbbn showed up. But I was still upset enough to not want to sleep. so I talked to Chad, and piddled around doing homework that I don't have to turn in, and wrote some insightful things (none of which I will post tonight... er... this morning. maybe later). And so I feel somewhat better. And more tired.
And now it's 5am. And I am going to sleep. Wish me luck!
This is my brain..... in part, at least.
