I never was much of a martyr before / and i ain't 'bout to start nothing new I am so tired of putting everything I have into something, only to have it come crashing down around me. And part of me is like, But look, I invested all this time, and I worked so hard, yada yada... and the rest of me is like, Shut up and deal with it, no one likes a martyr anyway. Obviously, you didn't put *everything* into it, or it would have worked out.
Warring factions in my brain. Gives me a stupid headache... which then makes it difficult to work on my current soul-consuming project (my midterms and first year project).
How much longer will I try before I realize / I’m desperate in the situation that I’m in again? Blah.
I should be doing something productive, but I have neither the brainpower nor the motivation. I just turned in my Stats homework, and it was kind of a crappy attempt, but I couldn't seem to wrap my brain around it. I know it'll be simple, and I'll figure it out over the weekend (have to take the prof's comments and revise over the weekend).
My head hurts. These stupid migraines are getting worse, and I don't know what to do about them. The combination of Amerge and Aleve has brought it down to a dull roar, but I still can't concentrate (plus, my reflexes are now like, zero). Maybe I should suck it up and call a real neurologist. Or something. I mean, I seem to be collecting doctors these days. What's one more?
Another consequence of my head hurting: I seem unable to say anything intelligent. I feel like a freakin' cave man. Stringing words together in real time is annoyingly difficult, and trying to decipher what other people are saying... yeah. So. I have to meet with my langauge professor in like, 30 minutes. And she's going to think I'm an idiot. Which, right now, I probably am.
Edit: The meeting wasn't so bad. She might not think I'm a total idiot. So now I'm gonna take some time and try to come up with a paper topic for that class (need to have a topic by midterm, I think).
Not the doctor Oh. My. God. I just want to go to a doctor that will fix my back, and my head, and will not make me hurt worse or make me come and see them 8 million times a week. Is that too much to ask?
So I went to a family practice doctor today. I waited for almost an hour to get into his office (no big deal, I expect to wait). Then, he doesn't intorduce himself, and this is the conversation that we have...
Him: So why are you here? Me just like I told the girl who scheduled me, and the girls when I checked in, and wrote on at least 3 medical forms: I have had a headache for 8 days now. My lower back hurts, and I had a car accident 6 days ago that might account for some of the back pain. Him: I don't do car accidents. Did you tell my girls all this? Me: Yes, but what about my headache? Him: I'll refer you to another doctor for the back pain, and I won't charge you a co-pay. *mumbles about ambulance chasers*. Me: But what about my headache? it hurt before the accident? Him: *has already left the room*
Yeah. Total waste of my time. Didn't listen to anything I said, didn't look at me. I hate doctors. The doctor he refered me to... is a surgeon. In Alvin. I am not driving all the way to Alvin to have someone tell me that I need back surgery. Stoopid doctors.
So now I have to find a new family doctor. Again. Preferably not one who's an ass. Are there just so many doctors in Houston that they feel like they can all be asses? I mean, really. This is ridiculous. I don't really care what insurance gets charged for the medical stuff... it's not like the chick who hit me is paying any of it... I just want someone to fix me, dammit.
Blah. So... I'm not going to post that much since 1) my head and back still hurt, but I'm tired of whining about it. and 2) I haven't done anything of interest this week (see 1).
I did, however, apparently go through some weird rite of initiation or somehting yesterday. I was enrolled for a class... that was supposed to meet at 1pm. I went and sat in the class.... no one showed. no one. So I went to the secretary, and asked her to look it up... right time, right class, right room, 10 people are registered... called the professor who was supposed to be teaching it. She had no idea. Called the former department chair. She said it only meets sometimes, not every week, and someone should be in contact with me. Went to see my advisor, who was like "oh really? That's news to me...". Go figure. Out of 10 students, I was the only one who showed up. I am, however, not the only 1st year who's enrolled. yeah.
Anyway. I have an appointment with a regular doctor on Monday afternoon, to hopefully address this back/headache issue. Hopefuly, something will come of it. Meanwhile, I'm still seeing the chiropractor like, three times a week (five times a day? Who has time for that?).
And the house is still a mess. Unfortunately, it doesn't clean itself.
Even more whining. I'm on a roll, I guess. So Tuesday, coming home from school, I got rearended AGAIN. By someone who, it turns out, doesn't have insurance.
So. My back still hurts. More now, actually. I'm still working on a headache that I've had since Monday morning. And I'm really really tired. And I've spend like, a million dollars this week (no, not really, but close enough) on books and software and rolly bags to hold my computer (and books) since I can't lift it.
And I discovered today, that my laptop does not actually have a ps/2 connection on it. Which is lovely, since I don't have a usb keyboard. Looks like another trip to best buy...
I think I did too much last night. I sorted Mom's coupons... it took like, more than 3 hours.
It sounds stupid, to be worn out by coupons... just wait until grocery day (I think that'll be like, Wednesday or Thursday). Blah. It'll be like, "The Revenge of the 6 hour grocery shopping, part IV."
My coupons will take much much less time, as I am starting from nothing... and she was starting from a huge pile of unsorted coupons... That's tonights' project. If I can find a box.
This is my brain..... in part, at least.
