Out of the shaker and onto the plate / it isn't karma it sure ain't fate So I've been eating the same brand of string cheese for something like 8 months now. And I just (as in, about 30 seconds ago) realized that there is a joke on each wrapper. Ha!
I saw a tornado on Saturday. A funnel cloud, I suppose, since it apparently didn't touch ground. But it was pretty cool, since I'd never really seen one before.
Things are kind of slow here (although I'm still not managing to get much of anything accomplished), which is a nice change of pace from the April/May rush of travel and stuff. We're not traveling again until we go back to Memphis and Huntsville for a couple of days each next month.
Maybe I push when I meant to be still / Maybe I take it all too personal In general, I over-analyze things. By "things" here, I mean everything: conversations, emails, body language, the importance of what is for dinner, etc. I have this sometimes crippling fear that someone, somewhere, will be mad at me for something. That they (whoever they are), in fact, might be mad at me right at this very moment. So I spend a great deal more time than I should trying to figure out who (if anyone) is mad at me, and what I did to cause this, and how I can make it better.
Amazingly often, I talk myself into believing that someone is mad at me (even when they aren't), and I get all stressed out about it, and (when I've exhausted my other options for trying to make this better without actually communicating the fact that I think they are mad at me) I resort to some more adult method of dealing with my problems: I avoid said people in person while saying vague, snarky, passive-aggressive things about them on my blog. Then, if (by chance) I find out that they were not, in fact, mad at me in the first place, I feel guilty.
Occasionally, though, I don't realize that people are mad at me until long after the fact, when whatever it was that made them mad in the first place is now so huge that it causes them to avoid me entirely. Then I feel guilty for having missed whatever secret sign that I was looking for in all my over-analyzing. All the while, telling everyone else that it doesn't really bother me.
The moral of the story? I should stop over-analyzing and get over myself :-) Generally, I don't get it right, and even if I do I can't really change anything. People who value relationships generally will let you know when you've seriously upset them (you know, before they can't stand being around you any more).
That being said, I really enjoyed church yesterday. It was the first time I'd really felt home there... I don't know how to describe it. It was nice to have people stop to talk to me and know my name. Joining a women's small group wasn't what I expected, but I'm glad I've stuck with it... it has certainly helped with feeling like I'm a part of something, and is encouraging me to reach out into other small groups.
My mission for the year: don't over-analyze interactions with people at church. They aren't all mad at me.
Oh yeah... busting it old school style... In my Winamp: dcTalk, Newsboys, Skillet, Five Iron Frenzy, Seven Day Jesus, Jars of Clay. *sigh* Memories... Not that I miss high school in general... but there are a few things I miss, a couple of people I wish I hadn't lost touch with.
The Butterfly Song... lol... one time, a bunch of us were playing Taboo at a get together thing (I guess it would have to have been the beginning of my senior year in High School)... and Daniel was up, and he got the word "butterfly." Being the only two people who had ever listened to Seven Day Jesus (it hadn't really hit Alabama then... I had brought a CD back from California, and had made Daniel listen to it because he was my bestest friend)... we had somewhat of an advantage... it was the single shortest round in the whole game. Daniel looked at me and said, "I want to be a...." and I filled in the missing word. from that point on, Daniel and I were never allowed to be on the same team *grin*. what happened to Daniel? Looked for him online the other day... found his e-mail at Troy State... e-mailed him, but no reply.
Jesus Freak... I remember the Varsity Trip (spring of my senior year) that Katie, Julie, Deidre and I sat in the back of the bus and sang dcTalk songs for almost the whole trip from Huntsville, AL to Greenville, SC... Steven finally made us stop on about our 6th time through Jesus Freak. Then, the whole way back, Deidre played random recognizable tunes on her straw slide (made from one Burger King straw and one McD's straw)... Steven made her stop that when she figured out how to play the Jeopardy Theme.
Love Liberty Disco... I tried to teach Elisa how to dance to this song... Hillary used to play it all the time. And make fun of me because I couldn't dance.... I wonder where Hil is....
Shine... My theme song freshamn year of high school... right after my dad explained to me that when I sat at youth group and no one talked to me because I was the Missionary's Kid, I wasn't on the outside looking in at everyone having fun... I was on the inside, looking out at all the people outside in the cold. Which was very comforting. Especially when we went to Chicago, and they put me in the Chaperone's van. I was really hurt for a while... but i had fun, Daddy was a chaperone, and we stuck together. And after the fact, when I learned what had gone on in the kid's van, I was happy to have been in the chaperone's van. That time, I really was on the inside looking out.
Evolution... The time Geoff Moore and The Distance gave a concert after the Stars game... I went to the game, and ended up talking to Miss Nancy, Tim, and Jeremy all evening... then listening to the concert... and became good friends with Tim and Jeremy... Tim's married now... Jeremy is in the military, stationed in Afganistan last I heard... Miss Nancy and my sister are now best friends...
Lean on me... dcTalk style. Catherine, Beka and I used to sing this all the time... complete with motions... usually while brushing our teeth... Now that was funny.
You know what I don't have? That I can't find anywhere? The Holy Books... by James Ward. Or Love Command... he did both of them. As far as I know, those are the only two songs he released... but they were big in the ghetto in St. Louis when I lived there. *sigh*... I guess they never made it into electronic format... probably mom has a cassette somewhere. Maybe.
This is my brain..... in part, at least.
