Brianna's sitting! well, sort of, anyway - she sits on very stable surfaces (like the floor, not the couch or a mattress - if you put her hands down to help prop her up. But still, it makes me happy. And also scared - here comes the crawl (otherwise known as the ability to get into everything in site!).
Today was the first day I got dressed for work, looked in the mirror, and actually felt like I was looking at me, not my head put on someone else's body. So there's at least light at the end of the tunnel for my post-pregnancy body image issues. In a related note, I may quite possibly buy an entire work wardrobe of crimson and black.
Speaking of post-pregnancy body woes... My feet are bigger. Like, at least a half a size. Enough that most of my shoes are uncomfortable, and some of them I can't even get on at all. Someone warned me this would happen, but I don't think I believed them. Anyone interested in a closet full of shoes?
I hate it when people butt into my parenting and inform me that I'm doing it wrong. For instance, the whole breastfeeding thing. I would never. Never. Never tell a mom that was using formula that she's not doing it right, that she's somehow hurting her child by not breastfeeding. There are so many reasons why it might not work for that person at that time - and in the end, it's totally a personal decision. My decision was to breastfeed, as long as possible. This isn't always easy. My doctor agrees it's the best choice for my situation, and as long as I can do it... keep on it! But the daycare people (or rather, one of them) have been going on from day 1 about how Brianna likes formula better (we supplement as needed), or her bowels would be more regular if she were on formula all the time, or she'd sleep better, or whatever. I was even told that some infants can't take breastmilk, that it's not healthy for them. I call BS. My choice. As long as she's gaining weight, and her doctor is happy, and she's happy - we'll keep doing it. People just need to butt the hell out, seriously. Ok, so that turned into a rant. Sorry. But it was on my mind.
Going to see a nutritionist in a couple of weeks, to hopefully get a diet that helps my supply levels, energy levels, overall health - and if I could lose weight and beat Chad, that would be awesome :-) I hope this will help... I'm at my wits end trying to figure out how to lose weight and maintain a milk supply. The weight has to come off (it's not just vanity - my knees and back hurt, I'm exhausted all the time, and I need to be healthy again. Being 40+ pounds overweight isn't conducive to being healthy).
Chad's still winning the biggest loser. I lost 0.2 pounds last week. Yep, you see that right - two-tenths of a pound. Total weight loss: still less than 2 pounds. I need to catch Chad, and win, so that I can spend a ridiculous amount of money on total vanity and silliness. Maybe the nutritionist will help. Or maybe I should just fill the house with Oreos, lol.
It's hot as blazes here, in case you wondered. Like, over-100-hot before you figure in the heat index. Don't get me wrong, I hate cold... but this is unseasonably early to be this hot. It's record-breaking hot, and it's killing me. But at least I have AC in both my car and my house - we love AC. And couldn't live without it.
And once again, no one knows what's wrong with me.
but... at least the possibilities this time are much more exotic. Which of course, means I get to see more doctors. And I love doctors. Going to see the doctor is my favorite thing to do in the whole world.
We'll know if it's anything normal by the end of the week. We hope.
Startling news break: The intense heat at my house is not due to the fact that the air condition is broken. In reality, we are conducting top secret experiments. I'm not at liberty to divulge much information, but I can tell you that the experiments pertain in part to the specific heat of Lays potato chips, and naked molerats. Stay tuned for updates.
When it rains, it pours. Actually.... I wish it would rain. Not only because I like rain (interesting side note... I'm the one that likes rain, but Chad's the water baby. Go figure)... but rain tends to cool things off. And that would be much appreciated right now *glances upward, hopefully* *shakes head*
So I actually wrote a little last night. Not like, blog writing, or journal writing, or writing wrongs... no wait... that last one was off. Anyway, the point is, I wrote. Not much. But some. I think Neverwinter Nights has reawakened something... even though I haven;t had time to bring Arianell through anything past 3rd level due to the fact that I play on my sister's computer...
So yeah. Interesting. I'm not much of a writer. But I enjoy it... As long as no one else reads it. There's nothing worse than watching someone else read your work... Although Chad's read some of my "poetry" (I use the term rather loosely), and he didn't have anything terrible to say about it. And I wrote a fairly passable short story once, for creative writing. About a family in the Warsaw Ghetto... fairly depressing, but my teacher said it was well written. But of course, no one in my clas knew what it was about. They were all like, Dude why are these people sewing yellow stars on their jackets? What year did this take place? What state is Warsaw in? *sigh*
I don't know... I might let someone read this, when I finish. it may not turn out to be much... just another random sword and sorcery type story...
If I ever finish. Yeah.... Don't tell Elisa I started on anything. Thats all I need right now... another lecture on how I've never finished anything in my life. (My attempts to point out that I finished high school have been totally ignored).
So I'm going to church tomorrow. With my Grandmother. Not sure exactly how I feel about that yet... at least it'll get me out of the house, I suppose. And it's slightly better than going to my parent's church. At least the people are friendly... I dunno. Church and I haven't been getting along too well this summer. I have a church at school that I like a lot... this is more or less the last time I'm going to spend any appreciable time at home... so why fight to find a church here now? I like the new preacher at Calvary, but the church itself, and to some extent its people, hold way too many memories for me to ever be really comfortable there again. Other than going for AWANA on Wednesday nights... and even that has become depressing, as everyone I knew there is gone. Even most of my brother's friends have graduated. Grandmother's church is... well, Grandmother's church. Everyone there has known me since I was born, practically. And they all expect me to look and act a certain way... and I'm afraid I'm not going to fit that picture they have of me. But, the church itself isn't an uncomfortable place to be, which I suppose is good, since I plan on getting married there. I just wouldn't want to go there every Sunday. Actually... this summer, I haven't wanted to go anywhere every Sunday. I haven't wanted to get all dressed up and go and sit still through church, and then smile at everyone and shake their hands on the way out.... blah. People. Haven't wanted to deal with people.
And yet, at the same time, I want to be at school because there are people there. wierd, eh?
But yeah. I've probably written too much. So I'll go away now... probably take a shower or something...
This is my brain..... in part, at least.
