WFMW: Lent. So today is Ash Wednesday. Thus the start of Lent.
Picking something for Lent was hard this year. I don't always do it, especially now that I go to the Church of Christ - they aren't big on liturgical stuff, so it gets lost sometimes. And I don't always go the traditional route, something I give up something by way of an attitude or feeling or somethign else abstract, or use the time to cultivate a good habit or whatever. But I digress.
So this year was hard.
Back, before... before I found out I was pregnant, when i was still trying to figure out what I wanted to do about having another child, to try for VBAC or go with the c-section or whatever... back then, I decided that if/when we did this again, I would cut out most of my refined starches - white sugar, white potatoes, white flour, the whole bit - in an attempt to have a normal sized baby (and thus avoid another c-section - most docs won't VBAC with 9+ pounders, so I was trying to tip the scales a bit).
Fast forward to yesterday... I am still weighing the options of VBAC, but given the short time frame since my last, my amount of anxiety over having another labor/birth experience as traumatic as the last, an a huge number of other factors... it's looking more like a c-section. Which has actually given me a fair bit of peace, which is somehting I didn't expect. So yeah. I'm all good with it. But my "avoid refined starches to avoid an OMG big baby" plans... went right out the window, because 1) I figured out early on it probably won't matter so much and 2) ummm.... life. So refined starches are easy, whole foods are hard and take time and can't be bought through a drive-through window.
Add all this to the fact that I'll be on a cruise the beginning of next month... yes, this year is hard.
So I decided that refined starches is too much to give up, given my life craziness, sanity level, and travel plans. But... White Potatoes. I can totally give that up for 40 days, right? No hash browns, no french fries, no baked potatoes, no potato soup.... And maybe, it will have the effect of reducing my overall refined start intake (how could it not?), thus possibly helping me to not grow a giant baby, lol.
Either way, I can probably eat healthier without them (especially the fries).
Brianna's sitting! well, sort of, anyway - she sits on very stable surfaces (like the floor, not the couch or a mattress - if you put her hands down to help prop her up. But still, it makes me happy. And also scared - here comes the crawl (otherwise known as the ability to get into everything in site!).
Today was the first day I got dressed for work, looked in the mirror, and actually felt like I was looking at me, not my head put on someone else's body. So there's at least light at the end of the tunnel for my post-pregnancy body image issues. In a related note, I may quite possibly buy an entire work wardrobe of crimson and black.
Speaking of post-pregnancy body woes... My feet are bigger. Like, at least a half a size. Enough that most of my shoes are uncomfortable, and some of them I can't even get on at all. Someone warned me this would happen, but I don't think I believed them. Anyone interested in a closet full of shoes?
I hate it when people butt into my parenting and inform me that I'm doing it wrong. For instance, the whole breastfeeding thing. I would never. Never. Never tell a mom that was using formula that she's not doing it right, that she's somehow hurting her child by not breastfeeding. There are so many reasons why it might not work for that person at that time - and in the end, it's totally a personal decision. My decision was to breastfeed, as long as possible. This isn't always easy. My doctor agrees it's the best choice for my situation, and as long as I can do it... keep on it! But the daycare people (or rather, one of them) have been going on from day 1 about how Brianna likes formula better (we supplement as needed), or her bowels would be more regular if she were on formula all the time, or she'd sleep better, or whatever. I was even told that some infants can't take breastmilk, that it's not healthy for them. I call BS. My choice. As long as she's gaining weight, and her doctor is happy, and she's happy - we'll keep doing it. People just need to butt the hell out, seriously. Ok, so that turned into a rant. Sorry. But it was on my mind.
Going to see a nutritionist in a couple of weeks, to hopefully get a diet that helps my supply levels, energy levels, overall health - and if I could lose weight and beat Chad, that would be awesome :-) I hope this will help... I'm at my wits end trying to figure out how to lose weight and maintain a milk supply. The weight has to come off (it's not just vanity - my knees and back hurt, I'm exhausted all the time, and I need to be healthy again. Being 40+ pounds overweight isn't conducive to being healthy).
Chad's still winning the biggest loser. I lost 0.2 pounds last week. Yep, you see that right - two-tenths of a pound. Total weight loss: still less than 2 pounds. I need to catch Chad, and win, so that I can spend a ridiculous amount of money on total vanity and silliness. Maybe the nutritionist will help. Or maybe I should just fill the house with Oreos, lol.
It's hot as blazes here, in case you wondered. Like, over-100-hot before you figure in the heat index. Don't get me wrong, I hate cold... but this is unseasonably early to be this hot. It's record-breaking hot, and it's killing me. But at least I have AC in both my car and my house - we love AC. And couldn't live without it.
And laid out like cash your take on my list of shortcomings This. Again, I wish I had the words to say it this well.
"I wake up each morning telling myself that today I’ll make it a better day, today I’ll do better. And then the sun rises in the sky."
I am the queen of (short-lived, sidetracked by 9am) good intentions. Every day, I decide that:
Today I will get up on time, so I have time to get everything done and eat breakfast without getting stressed or mad or being late to work.
Today I'll eat a healthy breakfast, not whatever I grab going out the door.
Today I'll pack my lunch and not spend extra money buying a most likely unhealthy lunch from the cafe.
Today I'll be a better wife/mother/friend/person in general.
Today I'll resist the urge to eat junk food.
Today I'll remember how much my husband helps me, and I won't yell at him when I'm frustrated because I have too much to do.
Today I'll call/email/facebook that person I haven't talked to in forever.
Today I'll be organized and on top of things.
And pretty much every day, I've blown most of these before I get out the door in the morning... and probably all of them before I go to bed. I whine about not having a system, and worry that I'm failing at life somehow. I often spend so much time concentrating on how I've failed... that I don't concentrate on how to get better... how to pick myself up and start over fresh (day after day, if needed).
"Daily, my good intentions fail, but His compassions for me don’t. And therein lies my hope."
Today I'll try to do better at doing better. And at not concentrating on the failures, but on the successes. And I'll keep moving forward - His compassions never fail. They are new every morning. [Lam. 3:22-23]
I'm finished making sense / Done pleading ignorance I had the best of intentions to post more last week. The road to hell, and all that, I suppose.
I spent Monday home/at the doctor with a sick baby again. We've had this stupid cold thing (we as in both of us) for like a month. My round of antibiotics made my ear stop hurting but didn't solve the cold (thus reinforcing the fact that it is in fact viral). Dr. put Brianna on antibiotics now, for an ear infection, and finally - finally - finally, we got some cough syrup. There's just not much you can do for sick little babies.
Tuesday she was well enough for daycare, but she's still fighting a cough, still congested, still not sleeping weel. She's just not as "sick" and lethargic and whiny as she was before. Me? I'm worn to the bone. I can't take much in the way of medicines, either, since I'm still nursing. And when Brianna's up at night - so am I. So now I'm at work, downing a billion (non-menthol) cough drops, hoping I eventually get over it.
As for the Biggest Loser contest... I did much better this week (more Zumba, less cake), and managed to lose the 3 pounds from last week, and about a pound and a half more. Which I thought was pretty awesome, til I looked at Chad's weight loss, which is something like 8 and a half pounds in two weeks. I am so gonna lose this challenge. But at least I'm headed in the right direction now?
Still searching for a "system" - I need to make better use of my time or something. Especially now that I'm working out... my time at home is so limited, and I have so much stuff to do. Thinking about trying FlyLady again, but not sure. I should just get off my behind and start doing something, though.
I have no fear of drowning / It's the breathing that's taking all this work So the Biggest Loser thing.
I suck at it this week. Here's what I did:
Ate salads for lunch when I was in the office (turned out to be twice, due to sickness - both me and the baby).
Ate healthier dinners. Only had fast food ONCE.
Ate a crap-ton of veggies.
Drank a crazy amount of water.
Did 2 yoga classes and a Zumba class. Was very very sore.
Ate ONE PIECE of chocolate cake. At a party.
End result? I gained three pounds. Suck.
So this week? I'm taking the stairs, and hoping to get more workouts in. Trying to eat more healthy (and less overall, I guess?). This whole thing is complicated by the fact that I'm breastfeeding, so I can't just cut my calories in half and burn it all off... I still have to take in "enough", or my supply will tank - and I'm having enough problems right now, I'd rather not add to them.
So. Hopefully burning a few more calories will help. And maybe eating a few less. Alreay have one Zumba class under my belt... so that's something.
Rolled in late about an hour / No cup of coffee, no shower
Brianna is now 4 months old. This is amazing to me... Where did the time go? She's happy and healthy (except a cold that we've been fighting), and learning new things every day. She's teething (yay!) and eating solid food (baby oatmeal and Gerber 1st foods veggies and fruits). Her favorite food, to date, is probably Sweet Potatoes. And just today, she moved from just using vowel noises, to using the "b" sound... so now she sounds like "bub-bub-bub-bub" - which is funny. She even does it with her paci in her mouth, which is even funnier.
Moms don't get sick days. I don't think I fully groked that concept until this past week. But we survived :-) With lots of help from Chad.
I am badly in need of a routine. And a few extra hours in the day. But if anyone has any great advice for morning or evening routines to make sure that baby and I are both fed, bathed, and get to sleep/work/daycare on time, that would be awesome. If the house could be kept clean in the process, that would be better. Maybe I'll try to FlyLady system again...
Chad and I are doing a Biggest Loser challenge. We started June 1st, and we're runnign until Oct. 1st - hopefully I'll drop this baby weight. So expect some updates here, as maybe it will keep me motivated (we put a large amount of money on the line, so you would think THAT would keep me motivated, but I can probably use all the help I can get). Hopefully, but October, I'll fit in a clothes size that only has one number. Or at least one that I can buy at Ann Taylor without ordering online.
As part of the losing weight thing, I've started working out at the Y. They have free childcare, and lots of workout classes, so it's seeming to work out ok (except it takes even more time out of my day). I've gone to two Yoga classes so far... and OOWW. I mean. I *knew* that when Brianna was born, they cut my abs apart and stapled them back together... but I didn't really think about it until I started trying to do these yoga moves, and i went to use my ab muscles... and they weren't there! I mean, they were gone! So I have a lot of work to do to get back to my pre-pregnancy hotness (pre-pre-pregnancy, I guess). Or something. Meanwhile, I'm just sore. But there's a Zumba class tomorrow, so maybe that will help (lol).
I joined Twitter. Sadly, I joined only because I found a cool app for it on my phone and I wanted to use it. But now I'm addicted. Although my tweeting waxes and wanes as I have time/interest (like my blogging!).
Chad and I are trying to convince some people to move out here. What else is new? But this time, it might work? Really, though, with our luck, everyone will come at once, and we'll be stacking friends on top of each other when they stay with us while looking for a place of their own :-) Actually... thinking about it, that would be awesome. So. Yeah. Please move here? We need more people from back home. :-)
News, and New Years First off, news. I'm still pregnant. For some reason, about a half dozen people have felt the need to ask me if I've had the baby yet... and the answer is no. I still have, at least in theory, 3-4 more weeks. But. I'll let you know when I do.
The baby is doing good... Christmas Eve ultrasound showed the baby weighing in at around 6 pounds 10 ounces, which puts the projected final baby weight around 8.5 pounds. Which is awesome. So no plans for an early baby due to size at this point.
I was told, long long ago when I first was pregnant (seriously, it seems like years or something), that morning sickness can return in the third trimester. And I was like, oh whatever, I guess that would suck... but since I was never really super sick in the beginning, i didn't think about it much. Until this morning. When I've been thinking about it a lot. While trying to keep down my breakfast. So far, I'm winning, but the long and short of it is I feel like crap at the moment, and trying to find a position to sit/lay in that doesn't make me want to hurl, and yet still allows me to work on my computer (I'm working from home today, so computer access is important)... is challenging. Half of my brain thinks I should eat something more, to see if it calms my stomach down, and the other half doesn't want to see what frosted miniwheats look like two hours after you eat them.
Pleasant thought, I know. Brought to you by a grumpy pregnant woman. :-) Edit: apparently, clementines are my new cure for morning sickness. Who would have guessed?
So on to New Years. My goals for this year:
Lose weight. Actually, this one is a gimmie, since I'll be shedding 8.5 pounds of baby plus associated fluids and whatnot at the end of the month. But seriously, it would be nice to be back down to my pre-baby-after-Disney-Cruise weight by the end of the year. (at current count, that would put me losing about 50 pounds, but maybe a little more, since I'll probably gain another five or so before I can start losing any).
To eat healthier, and spend less money eating out. Although I realize that this will be difficult for the next two months, anything is better than nothing. Seriously.
To take advice and criticism better, especially in regards to parenting. Just because someone else does it differently does not make me a bad mommy (even if that someone else is my mom).
Not to change my standards just because the going gets tough. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for convenience. But if I say, "I want to eat healthier, and spend less money eating out", I can't cave and run to McDonald's every night for dinner becasue I''m tired and it's easier than cooking something at home (McDonald's could help this situation by not putting crack in their chicken nuggets, so I wouldn't be so addicted to them).
To be better about taking pictures. I'll have a lot this year with documenting, and pictures will be important. :-)
To be better at blogging/journaling in some form. So I don't forget everything.
I'm sure there are more, but this'll do for now. :-)
We'll all stay skinny cause we just won't eat So I bought a box of Kashi chewy granola bars... they have more fiber, and more protein, and less sugar than the granola things I have been eating, and are full of whole grains and stuff instead of unpronounceable preservatives.
The problem? They taste like bird seed. Which isn't as bad as it could be, I suppose. It's better than cardboard. But not exactly what I'm craving when I reach for a granola bar.
I need some healthy type food that doesn't make me feel like a bird.
And in the air the fireflies / Our only light in paradise I ate Brussels sprouts for the first time in literally years last night. They were awesome, just like I remembered only better. Thank you, Bird’s Eye, for inventing single serving frozen veggies that cook in the bag in like, a minute. Actually, frozen veggies in general are pretty awesome. Tastes almost as good as fresh, and I don’t have to worry about them going bad in the crisper while I get around to eating them.
I joined a Curves studio down the road from my house… I’m now working out 3+ times a week. So far, it has been pretty good. On the off days I‘m trying to do something aerobic, but that’s been kind of hit-and-miss the last two weeks. At least I’m doing something. (That’s what I keep telling myself).
This week, I picked back up Kingdom Hearts II, noting that there will be a sequel coming out at some point that will actually fit in the timeline right before the game I’m playing. I figure I should actually beat this one before the sequel comes out, so I can justify buying it. I managed to get to Johnny Depp world (Pirates of the Caribbean), but I haven’t beaten it yet. Almost 12 hours into the game, and I still had to have Chad explain to me what was going on in the plot (to be fair, he had to look it up online to figure it out).
I’m joining a women’s bible study starting next week… should be interesting, and will give me a chance to interact with some more people who might or might not be my age (the jury’s still out on the age thing). The woman who’s running the study has been married for something like 15 or 20 years, so I would guess she’s quite a bit older than I am, but younger than my mother. I’m hoping there’s a good mix of ages in this group (that always makes it more interesting), but that I’m not the only young married chick without kids (it’s less lonely that way).
I’ve been thinking for a while that I really miss State. I came to the conclusion the other day, while talking to a friend, that I probably do miss State somewhat… but what I really miss isn’t Abner’s, SEC football, the Union, or the Drill Field, but feeling like I really belonged someplace. Like I was supposed to be there, and like I was part of a community. When we moved to Texas, I kind of retreated into my own world, mostly because I didn’t feel there was a good community to be a part of. And I’ve missed that feeling… so I’m trying to reach out of my now tiny comfort zone, and find a community. It was easy at school… we were all basically the same age, and dealing with basically the same set of experiences. In the real world it’s hard. But not, I think, unattainable. And probably worth the extra effort.
Pardon me sir can I use your eraser / To remove my brain of unconventional nature It is December 16th. It is like, 80 degrees outside. Running the air conditioning in my house is not terribly condusive to having Christmas Spirit. Just in case you wondered.
In other news, I've now lost like, 25 lbs on the "Mt. Dew Diet" (my own invention, I guess). I'm htinking now that I should market this to Movie Stars and women's magazines. Bought new jeans today, since my other ones are getting a mite too loose.
And now I will go back to wat I hsould be doing instead of blogging... working on my Stats final. I hate stats. But at least it's almost over... oh wait, I have another stats class next semester. Great.
So I started this new diet thing this past Monday... eDiets, if anyone is interested. Basically, I'm on the "eat healthy and hope to lose the weight you gained since you got married so you can fit in your clothes again" plan.
So I'm what, 5 days into it? I have this constant awful urge to eat things that aren't on my meal plan, just because. It's weird. Can't explain it.
Other than that, I guess I'm doing ok. The dinner meal pans come with recipes, which has given me and Chad a chance to try out new food (yay!), most of which has turned out pretty good. I am eating a huge amount of vegetables, a great deal of fruit, and a whole lot of dairy stuff... in addition to the 2-liters of water I'm supposed to drink every day. Oh yeah, and eating breakfast... that's kinda a new thing for me.
Poor Chad's just kinda hanging with it... I filled the fridge up with salad and other rabbit food last weekend, and I'm going to have to do the same thing Sunday when I go shopping again. He's stuck eating the dinners with me, which hasn't proved to be too bad... We'll see how it goes, I guess.
But yeah... it's interesting. Richard and Chad and I are planning a trip to look at schools at some point, so we shall have an interesting time trying to pack food for my low-meat (3oz a day or less!) diet, and his Atkins diet.
In other news, looks like a weekend in Starkville this weekend. Might go see the Hitchhiker's Guide movie tonight... waiting on final plans. Oh yeah, and I still need to plan what I want to do with the rest of my life. Any ideas?
Why is it, in a house full of Atkin's dieters, I can't find any protien type foods worth eating? I wonder what my family does eat... as the only things I've found to eat today are Froot Loops, oatmeal, and pasta. None of which they can eat... hm.
So. Yeah. I'm fixin' to finish my patsa... enjoy a glass of high class wine... or, well, malt likka, anyway, and head to bed... not sure if one glass of Boones will be enough to make me sleep... but the thought of getting drunk in order to get a "good night's sleep" isn't terribly appealing. Eh. Maybe it will help some, anyway. Or something.
Ok... back in huntsville, cooling my heels in town, trying to get wedding stuff done. Yeah.
Gripe of the moment: The entire world is on an Atkin's Diet kick.... low (or no) carb, high protien.... which is ok, I guess, for most people. But. As one of the apparently five people in the world *not* on the atkin's Diet.... enough. I am sick of eating out and being asked if I want to low carb alternative to my food, or whatever. Alcohol is even low carb now.... Bacardi and Diet Coke? I mean really. It is great that there are lots more low carb alternatives out there... I just am tired of them being in my face all the time. I want to be able to eat a bowl of pasta at a resteraunt without feeling guilty because it itn't labeled "smart eating" (like the 16-oz steak). Blah.
Anyway. Better now. If I can survive a week at home, I'll be doing great! :-)
Ok. People. If I am ever a size 4 (and I never will be, but bear with me), and I ever tell someone how fat I am that I had to order a SIZE 4 DRESS... when they have just finished telling me they had to order a size 12 dress... hit me. Hard enough to knock sense back into my head. Please.
Disclaimer: I am not suggesting that I will ever attempt to be a size 4. I am actually pretty happy with my current size... although I could stand to get back in shape. So don't freak out... I'm not going on any crash wedding diets or anything. (I get measured for my dress tonight, so I can't loose too much weight, anyway).
This is my brain..... in part, at least.
