And laid out like cash your take on my list of shortcomings This. Again, I wish I had the words to say it this well.
"I wake up each morning telling myself that today I’ll make it a better day, today I’ll do better. And then the sun rises in the sky."
I am the queen of (short-lived, sidetracked by 9am) good intentions. Every day, I decide that:
Today I will get up on time, so I have time to get everything done and eat breakfast without getting stressed or mad or being late to work.
Today I'll eat a healthy breakfast, not whatever I grab going out the door.
Today I'll pack my lunch and not spend extra money buying a most likely unhealthy lunch from the cafe.
Today I'll be a better wife/mother/friend/person in general.
Today I'll resist the urge to eat junk food.
Today I'll remember how much my husband helps me, and I won't yell at him when I'm frustrated because I have too much to do.
Today I'll call/email/facebook that person I haven't talked to in forever.
Today I'll be organized and on top of things.
And pretty much every day, I've blown most of these before I get out the door in the morning... and probably all of them before I go to bed. I whine about not having a system, and worry that I'm failing at life somehow. I often spend so much time concentrating on how I've failed... that I don't concentrate on how to get better... how to pick myself up and start over fresh (day after day, if needed).
"Daily, my good intentions fail, but His compassions for me don’t. And therein lies my hope."
Today I'll try to do better at doing better. And at not concentrating on the failures, but on the successes. And I'll keep moving forward - His compassions never fail. They are new every morning. [Lam. 3:22-23]
7 Quick Takes Friday Conversion Diary is hosting a thingy called 7 quick takes on Fridays, and I'm thinking it might help me post more news (which you are all dying to hear). And it's only one more than my typical 6 point posts, so how bad can it be, right? :-)
I'm still pregnant, and I'm currently about the size of a barn. The kind you keep horses, hay, and tractors in. Seriously. But. I can still drive my car without squishing my belly (yay for having all my height in my legs!). And even though I whine a lot and complain about my back hurting and how huge I am and how annoying it is to not be able to see/reach my feet... being pregnant is awesome. It's probably the single most positive religious experience I've ever had. I have been in awe of the entire process since I found out I was pregnant. I honestly don't know how people can feel a child moving and growing inside them, and not believe in God. And I wish I wrote a little more eloquently, so that I could truly explain it... but I can't.
I have finished Christmas shopping for my family, with a few tiny exceptions, and have actually gotten a good number of things wrapped. Crazy, eh? Christmas shopping for Chad's family has, however, barely started. But it'll have to be done soon, since we have to ship everything home. Fun stuff.
I purchased and read The Tales of Beedle the Bard yesterday. It was good, and made me laugh out loud a couple of times. I learned a few interesting trivia things about Dumbledore and Hogwarts in general, but not as much as I had hoped. But still, it was enjoyable - now when will she release another?
I love reading Mommy blogs. I have a whole list of them in my reader, and I find it really interesting to see how different families operate and deal with everyday stresses and drama. And sometimes, it's nice to know that I'm not the only one.
Because people come here for baby news: my belly is measuring a week ahead this week, which either means the baby will be big, or means nothing, lol. I'll know more in two weeks, and they'll do an ultrasound after Christmas to get a better idea of size and stuff. But for now, it looks like we're still looking at the baby arriving the last week in January.
Which is good, as we really don't have much done yet in the way of nursery preparations. With only 7ish weeks to go (or 6 or 5 or 8, depending) - I'm guessing we should probably get on that. *sigh*. Honestly, I get a little stressed about it every now and then, but for the most part it hasn't hit me yet that it's happening so soon. On the other hand, I'm starting to really get uncomfortably huge, so soon is sounding better and better. :-) Worst case, Chad'll be painting over Christmas week.
PhotoShop Elements is t3h awesome. My new favorite photo editing tool. Seriously. I played with it a lot over the weekend Chad was in Seattle, and I'm looking forward to having more pictures to edit and more projects to work on, with baby stuff - but, at the same time, I realize I'll have less time to work on stuff like that. Sad, no?
For more quick takes, head over to Conversion Diary. Actually, even if you don't want to read more quick takes, you should head over there anyway. :-) Although I'm not Catholic, I find her writing to be inspiring - and it makes me look at how I relate to God and to my family.
Bombarded by philosophies that satisfy the surface / I flee to something deeper For the record, I believe in the right of every human to decide what they do or don't believe on just about any issue, and to hod lthat belive without ridicule or persecution. I will, in fact, defend that right even for people who's views are opposed to mine.
That being said, I know I hold some rather particular views. Several people, over the last few months, have asked me what I believe. Since that is a huge topic, which would probably take years to exhaust fully, I'll just list a few things that I've been questioned on lately. I'm disabling comments for this post, as I'm not interested in starting a war on my blog.
I believe in an eternal, omnipotent, omnicient, omnipresent God. I believe that God is love, but He is also a God of justice. I believe in the deity of Christ, and that he was born, lived, died, and rose again. I believe that God can still exist in a world that doesn't believe in Him, and that sometimes He allows bad things to happen to good people for His own reasons that we don't understand. And we don't have to understand. I believe that there's something after this life, some greater existance that we are moving towards. And I belive that, in my own small way, I can make a difference in this world while I'm here. And that, dear readers, is literally what keeps me alive. If I honestly thought that this life was it, that when I die I will cease to be, cease to exist, be nothing but dust and ashes... I would have seriously killed myself a long time ago.
I believe in Intelligent Design. To be more specific, I belive in a literal six-day creation. Why does an educated modern woman believe in biblical creation? Because I can. Because I choose to. Because you can't prove me wrong. I know science dates things as being millions of years old. That's fine. Had you scientifically examined Adam the day after he was created, he probably would have looked to be about 20 or 30 years old. Not 1 day old. The underlying difference between me and someone who belives in some form of evolution is that I use a different set of underlying assumptions than they do. That doesn't make my view any less valid than anyone else's, or make me stupid or weak for having faith in something bigger than myself.
I am pro-life, more ardently than you can probably imagine. That being said, I don't advocate picketing clinics, or bombing anything, or killing abortion doctors. I don't come by my views lightly either. My reasons for this are mostly personal, and I don't really care to explain them in detail here. Suffice it to say, I belive that life beings at conception, and that a child's right to live is greater than a woman's right to choose. And, being a woman, I like to think I have more right to say that than most of the old, male politicians you find espousing that view.
That concludes, for now, my rant. I might follow it up with more later, at some point, if I am in a ranting mood.
Ruth Graham Ruth Graham died today... having more or less grown up listening to Billy Graham, I have an immense amount of resepect for both him and his wife.
First off... a funny. Did you know you can list Douglas Adams as a technical source? In a textbook, no less. Taken from my Memory textbook "...as when people recall that the number 42 is crucially important in metaphysics (see Adams, 1981, p. 180)." And sure enough, it's listed in the references... go figure.
Now... a rant. Sorry. I have to. This ones been a long time coming, and several of you have heard bits and pieces of it...
I have a serious problem with performance bands that pose as worship leaders. Really. I do not, however, have a problem with performance bands who sing christian music, or choose to ocassionally lead in worship, or whatever. For instance. Petra sang a lot of praise music. It was awesome. I thought it rocked out (no pun intended). But. If I went to a Petra concert (which I didn't, because they changed members about the time I would have had money/transportation to go to a concert) I would expect them to perform. I would expect to be invited (as an audience) to sing along or worship or whatever... but I would be there to see Petra live, and not really to get some phenominal religious experiance. Having been to many christian rock concerts, I can honestly say that there's nothing particularly religious about them. Like, the words are religious. The people addending might be. Who knows, the performers might even be. But the event itself? Is a performance. Which is cool. That's what it is designed to be. Yay for performers and all that.
However. If D.C. Talk, or Petra, or j-random other christian band chose to come into my place of worship and *lead worship* (say, they replaced the musicians and choir on Sunday morning)... I would not expect them to perform. I would expect them to actually lead worship. I would not expect a new musical bridge to be added to a hymn so that the band could show off their lead guitarist, or their spiffy cool drum set, or whatever. I would not expect the lead vocalist to change notes and rhythms in a song, just to showcase the fact that they can sing. I would expect the band to play to the best of their ability, but not to go out of the way to draw attention to themselves.
I don't know... I have some funny idea that maybe worship is about more than a kickin' base player... But more and more, I find myself standing around listening to the worship band play, and waiting for the part where I get to join in and sing... I feel more like I'm at a concert. It's actually distracting. And annoying.
Worship time is... for worship. Not for socialization, or gossip, or show-off music stuff (no matter how good the band is), or for any kind of showing off how cool you are in any way shape or form.
It is certainly not a time to entertain the person next to you with a running commentary on your day and life in general. Especially if people are, you know, trying to listen to the sermon, or concentrate on the words to the music, or actually participate in worship in any way. Save your catty remarks until the service is over. Then have at it. If there is a break in the service for some reason (like for everyone who is finished worshiping to leave, which is kind of a silly idea... but that's another tangent), and you are instructed to either stay or to leave quietly, do not stay and carry on a 2-5 minute conversation (shouted over the worship music)with a friend over who has more homework than who, and when you are going to be home. Go outside. Talk there. Go back into the service if you feel like it. When you are done talking.
And don't act like you own the place. It was there long before you were, an likely will still exist when you leave. It would run perfectly fine without you, you are not the glue that holds the place together. So... Enjoy the fact that you are there. And have some respect for your upperclassmen, no matter if their personality "meshes" with yours or not... it's a campus ministy, not the United Methodist version of Survivor. The object is to bring more people in, not kick out (or piss off until they go home) people who are already there.
But what do I know. I'm not a member of our "strong" Freshman class. I am a gradute student, and not a preppy rich brat, therefore I am not so cool.
Interesting book... "The Search For Significance" by Robert S. McGee. It's about self-doubt, and finding your place in life and in God's plan. Good study guide... I have a feeling that this book was all the rage a while back and I missed it... Anyway, this guy seems to right on track as far as his theology goes... And sitting down and reading a couple of chapters today has done more to change my thinking process than the 4 or 5 counselling sessions and personality profiles I took last year.
I am a flower quickly fading Here today and gone tomorrow A wave tossed in the ocean A vapor in the wind Still You hear me when I'm calling Lord, You catch me when I'm falling And You've told me who I am I am Yours - Who Am I, by Casting Crowns
The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today
Is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips
Then walk out the door and deny him by their lifestyle.
That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.
~dcTalk
Just a thought... not aimed at anyone at the moment, so don't get offended. I just don't understand the point of braging about your religion, ethics, morals, etc... and then bragging about things you do that obviously don't match them... pick one or the other, man. Or at least keep quiet about it... I'll admit, I'm no saint. I screw up. A lot. But I don't brag about it, either... *sigh*
ok... I guess I'm better now. *sigh* After sulking all night Friday night, spending Saturday at a baseball game, and totally wasting yesterday on interesting things like church and walmart and pizza and anything that wasn't homework.... I have come to the conclusion that the only way to escape self-absorbed zealots is to live on a desert island. Just me and Chad. And an untraceable phone line. We could fly our friends in to visit every once in a while, if they promised never to say anything about religion... or somehting like that. And we would need some sort of internet connection... can't live without internet.
The nice thing about being online is that if you don't like what someone has to say, you can stop reading. And no one gets offended. And everyone is happy. *sigh* Oh well... I know it doesn't work like that in the real world... but it would be nice.
blah. Today is gross. It's raining.... but not hard enough to be fun, not a storm or anything (yet)... just a dreary sprinkly kind of rain. It's not cold... but it's not warm... the weather seems rather indecisive. And I feel gross. Not sick, but just.... blah. I think it has to do with the weather. And maybe the fact that I was woken up at 8am this morning by a telemarketer... and couldn't make it back to sleep... and two of my three classes were cancelled, so I've been sitting around all day. blah.
On a more interesting note, Amanda and I are highlighting our hair on Wednesday.... she's putting some blondish highlights in, because her hair is really light.... and I'm doing red *evil grin* maybe I'll post some pictures when I get done... it should be interesting, at least. And fun.
But tomorrow will be not fun. Because I have to go to the doctor. And I hate doctors. Even if Myra really is only a nurse practitioner. They always make me feel gross. But if I don't go, she won't refill my perscription... blah. Doctors are evil. But, every cloud has it silver lining, I only have one class and a lab tomorrow, since karate was cancelled, and my appointment will run into time for CS class... yeah for no classes :-)
I suppose I'll stop rambling and let you get back to whatever important things you are supposed to be doing...
This is my brain..... in part, at least.
