Man there's so many times / I don't know what I'm doin' / Like I don't know now Be thinking about my dad - he's in the hospital again, and we don't really know why. Apparently (I get all my news 2nd hand at best) last night he started getting really really confused - like he thought he and mom were married in 1988 (try '79?), and that I was born in February (of this year) and lots of other stuff like that. At first, they thought maybe it was his blood sugar, but apparently it isn't, so now he's on the neurology floor of the hospital, waiting for the doctors to figure it out. CT scan showed nothing any more abnormal than usual, but they tend to be pretty unreliable for Dad since he's had so many head issues. So we're waiting for the MRI, and whatever else they care to run while he's there.
Meanwhile, I'm full of nervous energy (not in a good way), and running on caffeine and adrenaline. The baby hasn't slept much, and i have slept even less, and I'm second guessing my parenting abilities (at least as far as sleep scheduling goes...). So here's some snark, to hopefully help me diffuse some of my negative energy, lol.
Five things for five people who will (probably) never read them:
You're better off without him. Just don't immediately latch yourself onto the next piece of driftwood that you see - it's ok to be single for more than 5 minutes.
If you have to constantly tell me that something you're doing isn't "bad", you might want to take a second look. Are you justifying to me, or yourself?
The things that bug you now will only be amplified as time goes on - can you live with that? Really?
You have family everywhere around you - don't take that for granted, even if they are crazy. You'll miss them when you leave, I promise. (I do).
Honesty is really the best policy. And it is way less annoying than being lied to. Even on the little stuff.
A couple drops and they all start coming down Crazy, crazy weekend. Seriously.
Chad was called to KSC, so he left early early Friday morning (he's back now, yay!) - but we didn't know he was going until Thursday night, so it was cray and last minute and stuff. But I survived Friday, just a little lonely and tired from dealing with Brianna, who was a little fussier than normal.
Saturday, we drove all over the place, as Brianna was only happy when we were moving in the car or when she could see something new and different. So we went to Hobby Lobby, Michaels, the Pearland mall - and even drove down to the Baybrook mall, just in time for it to start raining there, and for the power to go out for a few minutes. But overall, the day wasn't too bad. After (Brianna's) dinner, I managed to give her a bath by myself, and took her to sit on the porch swing and go to sleep. It took her a while, and about hte time she started to doze off, a storm blew in. Once it started raining, I went to head inside... I had just gotten to the door when the hail started! I put the baby in her bed and checked the weather - no storm warnings. So I called Chad, to see what he was up to - by this time, I couldn't see the back fence or the end of the driveway through the wind and rain...
While I was on the phone, I realized that there was water pouring in the back door. *Pouring* in. The wind was pushing all the rain right into the back of the house... I went upstairs, and water was pouring in both the nursery window, and our bedroom windows. And the power went out! So I was trying to mop everything up in the dark. Thankfully - at least the baby slept.
Eventually, it stopped raining. Which was good, as I had run out of towels. I was so tired, I went to bed without dinner!
Brianna was up every hour overnight, and I was exhausted by Sunday morning... but i had to go to church, and there was a tea for the preacher's wife, and I had all this stuff to do... so I put the dog out in the yard, and got me and the baby both ready for church. I went to let her back in - and she wasn't in the back yard. She was in the front yard. I thought the yard guys had left the gate open... nope. The storm messed up the fence, so now the gate won't shut. Walking around the yard... I saw that the storm had also exploded our shed. The one we replaced after Ike. Note to future self: Rubbermaid sheds are not weather-proof.
I sent Chad a note, and then headed for church (forgot breakfast) - and then started helping set up the tea (whilst holding a fussy baby!). Luckily for me, there was a ton of food (not diet friendly food, but honestly, I didn't care). So the tea went well, and I managed (with help) to keep Brianna entertained. Once we went home, I worked on gettign her to sleep - which eventually worked, lol. I read part of the no-cry sleep solution book, and went to bed myself. Brianna was still up a lot, but not as much...
Monday morning, she was sooooo fussy. I took her to daycare, and they told me they thought she had thrush! I looked in her mouth, and sure enough, there it was. I felt dumb. So I took her to the doctor, and got medicine for both of us. And took her back to daycare. And come home, to work for a while.
When I picked her up from daycare, her teacher handed me a note saying the daycare was closing. On Friday. Well, shit. Friday?! Seriously?! I was on a waiting list for like, 8 weeks to get into this place! How am I going to find another in just a few days?!
So yeah. I'm working from home and looking at daycare places today. It's been so long since I first looked, it's like starting over - but Chad's supposed to come with me to a couple places today. I'm so frustrated, because Brianna just got settled at this place, and now we have to learn a new routine and a new set of people... Blah.
At least Chad's home to deal with the insurance people. I told him he's never ever ever allowed to travel for work again, unless I can go, too, lol.
And laid out like cash your take on my list of shortcomings This. Again, I wish I had the words to say it this well.
"I wake up each morning telling myself that today I’ll make it a better day, today I’ll do better. And then the sun rises in the sky."
I am the queen of (short-lived, sidetracked by 9am) good intentions. Every day, I decide that:
Today I will get up on time, so I have time to get everything done and eat breakfast without getting stressed or mad or being late to work.
Today I'll eat a healthy breakfast, not whatever I grab going out the door.
Today I'll pack my lunch and not spend extra money buying a most likely unhealthy lunch from the cafe.
Today I'll be a better wife/mother/friend/person in general.
Today I'll resist the urge to eat junk food.
Today I'll remember how much my husband helps me, and I won't yell at him when I'm frustrated because I have too much to do.
Today I'll call/email/facebook that person I haven't talked to in forever.
Today I'll be organized and on top of things.
And pretty much every day, I've blown most of these before I get out the door in the morning... and probably all of them before I go to bed. I whine about not having a system, and worry that I'm failing at life somehow. I often spend so much time concentrating on how I've failed... that I don't concentrate on how to get better... how to pick myself up and start over fresh (day after day, if needed).
"Daily, my good intentions fail, but His compassions for me don’t. And therein lies my hope."
Today I'll try to do better at doing better. And at not concentrating on the failures, but on the successes. And I'll keep moving forward - His compassions never fail. They are new every morning. [Lam. 3:22-23]
You just stick the right formula in / A solution for every fool
Corporate America & our fine legal system are so awesome. Came across this gem this week:
It is my understanding that we agreed to include the text [...] However, it was not in the terms that the text be legible. It was under the advice of our counsel that we made the text very small and difficult to read.
You have to love it. Or something.
Being a relatively new Smart phone user, I appreciate this. I wish everyone thought that way, really. For example - it may take me a week to get to respond to a personal email. That's just the way it is. I try, but, it happens that way anyway. Sorry?
I thought this was funny. And of course, the follow up here. Just thought I'd share :-)
I love this post from One Thing. I've been thinking about it a lot this week... it sums up a lot of the way I've felt lately. Here's a quote:
But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand. [...] I want to be real. I don’t want to demand careful handling. I want those sharp edges to be worn off by that Love that isn’t afraid to be hurt. Can I stop being afraid of breaking long enough to let that happen?
I wish I could say things as clearly and concisely as she did.
I hate feeling like I suck at life. And I feel that way a lot. I hear that parenting small children has that affect on people. I feel like I'm kind of wandering through life, blundering my way along, hoping that I don't get anything too terribly wrong in the process. There has to be a better way?
I thought this was funny. Celebrity ghost twittering, indeed. And more Twitter-ness, on a slightly more serious level.
If anyone has any tips for how to stay healthy (and keep Brianna healthy!) - without just boarding ourselves up in the house and never leaving - I'm all ears. Chad, Brianna, and I have been sick, one thing and another, for like a month. I'd like to be healthy again, please?
I have no fear of drowning / It's the breathing that's taking all this work So the Biggest Loser thing.
I suck at it this week. Here's what I did:
Ate salads for lunch when I was in the office (turned out to be twice, due to sickness - both me and the baby).
Ate healthier dinners. Only had fast food ONCE.
Ate a crap-ton of veggies.
Drank a crazy amount of water.
Did 2 yoga classes and a Zumba class. Was very very sore.
Ate ONE PIECE of chocolate cake. At a party.
End result? I gained three pounds. Suck.
So this week? I'm taking the stairs, and hoping to get more workouts in. Trying to eat more healthy (and less overall, I guess?). This whole thing is complicated by the fact that I'm breastfeeding, so I can't just cut my calories in half and burn it all off... I still have to take in "enough", or my supply will tank - and I'm having enough problems right now, I'd rather not add to them.
So. Hopefully burning a few more calories will help. And maybe eating a few less. Alreay have one Zumba class under my belt... so that's something.
This is my brain..... in part, at least.
