Man there's so many times / I don't know what I'm doin' / Like I don't know now Be thinking about my dad - he's in the hospital again, and we don't really know why. Apparently (I get all my news 2nd hand at best) last night he started getting really really confused - like he thought he and mom were married in 1988 (try '79?), and that I was born in February (of this year) and lots of other stuff like that. At first, they thought maybe it was his blood sugar, but apparently it isn't, so now he's on the neurology floor of the hospital, waiting for the doctors to figure it out. CT scan showed nothing any more abnormal than usual, but they tend to be pretty unreliable for Dad since he's had so many head issues. So we're waiting for the MRI, and whatever else they care to run while he's there.
Meanwhile, I'm full of nervous energy (not in a good way), and running on caffeine and adrenaline. The baby hasn't slept much, and i have slept even less, and I'm second guessing my parenting abilities (at least as far as sleep scheduling goes...). So here's some snark, to hopefully help me diffuse some of my negative energy, lol.
Five things for five people who will (probably) never read them:
You're better off without him. Just don't immediately latch yourself onto the next piece of driftwood that you see - it's ok to be single for more than 5 minutes.
If you have to constantly tell me that something you're doing isn't "bad", you might want to take a second look. Are you justifying to me, or yourself?
The things that bug you now will only be amplified as time goes on - can you live with that? Really?
You have family everywhere around you - don't take that for granted, even if they are crazy. You'll miss them when you leave, I promise. (I do).
Honesty is really the best policy. And it is way less annoying than being lied to. Even on the little stuff.
He can settle any sea / But it doesn't mean He will It's amazing how life can be so crazy that you can barely stand it, and are stressing about every little thing... and one more thing happens (like, say, you have to evacuate the city because you're pregnant and they locked the freakin' hospital doors)... and suddenly, for some reason, everything is ok. I mean, everything is on its head, but suddenly I'm ok with it.
So here's what happened. My dad was in the hospital, I was stressing about going home, and then my Granny broke her hip and went into the hospital. I was pretty stressed about everything, and just barely managing to hold it together. About an hour after I heard about my Granny (this was Wednesday night)... They announced the evacuation orders for my county, excluding Pearland itself. After some looking, I found out that our "voluntary" evacuation for Ike meant (among other things) that the hospitals were locking their doors. So, Chad and I decided to leave, with no great idea where we were going to go. I slept that night, drove to my office to grab my computer, and spent the rest of the day trying to help Chad get the house ready to leave. We left about 5pm, after boarding most of the windows, and packing the animals, our photos, and enough clothes to last us through Sunday.
Monitoring the traffic leaving Houston, everything to the north and west was close to gridlocked. So... we headed east down I-10. Other than two pretty serious traffic jams due to accidents (slowing us an hour each time), the traffic wasn't that bad at all. Although it was extremely difficult to find a drive through place that wasn't closed and boarded up.
We started looking for a hotel room in Baton Rouge, which was a lost cause, really. We headed north up I-55, and when we got to Jackson without finding a hotel, we gave up. Chad and I took turns driving and sleeping, and we made it into Southaven about 6am on Friday morning. Crazy stuff.
Friday, we slept a little, ate Abner's, then went to the hospital so that some people Chad's mom works with could give me an ultrasound, which was awesome. They did both 2d and 3d ultrasounds, and got some great pictures of the little one moving about, sucking its thumb, and being difficult by covering its face. It was really cool, and made the trip pretty worthwhile.
Saturday, we got up early and drive to Huntsville, and visited both my Dad and my Granny. We had a good visit, and Daddy seem to be doing a little better. He's walking without a cane, and he was really glad to see us (and the baby). That night, we headed back to Southaven, intending to leave for home in the morning. But once we arrive in Southaven, we discovered that we could not go home. I-10 was blocked in places, and the authorities told us to stay where we were. We knew Pearland was hit kind of hard (friends lost a great deal of their roof), but that our house was at least intact, and not leaking through the roof.
So we sat back and tried to enjoy the "vacation". Each day, we made plans to come home the next day... but between the roads and the authorities, we didn't get to come home until Thursday. I ended up working remotely some, to keep from getting to far behind, but JSC was closed the entire week.
When we got home, we saw first hand how our house fared... we lost our fence (half the neighborhood did as well), and our shed (with the grill and everything in it), and (we discovered later) a little water got in around the windows on the back of the house. This may mean replacing all the windows and the back door, and replacing all or part of the drywall/insulation in the bedroom (and maybe part of the carpet). But overall, we didn't fare too bad. We have power, water, and gas, so we're all good. We even have groceries at the store, finally.
Traffic, however, sucks. My 45 minute commute has morphed into a 2 hour commute. But since that's my biggest complaint, besides finding contractors to fix the house, I can totally survive.
And I'm far less stressed about everything else, and more centered, which makes entirely no logical sense. But I'm enjoying it, while it lasts. :-)
Sometimes He calms the storm With a whispered peace be still He can settle any sea But it doesn't mean He will Sometimes He holds us close And lets the wind and waves go wild Sometimes He calms the storm And other times He calms His child ~Sometimes He Calms the Storm, Scott Krippayne
I can't find the words to pray / I'm a little down today So I've been really quiet, which is typical - and yet not typical. There has been a lot going on, but long story short, I haven't had to words to explain anything, or the emotional capacity to think through everything enough to find the words. But I'm working on it now, so this will probably be a long long post... it's been a long time coming.
So. Being pregnant. It hasn't been that bad, although I've whined a lot about it to anyone who's gotten too close to me (mostly Chad, though, as I've kind of withdrawn a bit from the rest of the world). Everything is progressing well, the baby is growing great, and the doctor seems happy with all my tests for now. The two biggest problems have been my tiredness... I'm super tired all the time, and can't seem to get enough sleep no matter what. And my emotions. Which is part of why I've withdrawn a bit... when spilling french fries or breaking a nail makes me cry, I have little reserves left to deal with people. And their problems. Or even my own problems.
My dad had a stroke about a month ago. It took the doctors like, three days to figure it out, so by the time they got around to "fixing" it, it was pretty bad. He was in the hospital for more than a week, then went home with no feeling in his right hand, trouble walking, an inability to read at all, some mild confusion, and vision loss on his right side. And a pretty serious case of depression. After a couple of weeks at home, and starting physical therapy, and improving a little... he had another stroke. This one has left him much more confused... I've talked to him a half dozen times in the last week, and every time he asks me at least twice when the baby is due. He's not always sure why he's in the hospital, or even where he is. They moved him from the regular hospital (where he's been for a week) to the rehab hospital late last week, and they're working him pretty hard there. It doesn't look like he'll be going back to work. Mom's holding up pretty well, but she's really starting to wear thin. She's trying to decide whether to switch jobs to make a little more money and keep better insurance, or to keep her current job (which she's only marginally happy with). Since she's the sole breadwinner for the time being, at least, she feels like she's under a lot of pressure.
This has caused me a great amount of stress aver the last month, as I'm not exactly in a position to drop everything and run to Huntsville to help out, and not in an emotional state to really be much help even if I went. Practically speaking, I have 6 days of vacation left for the year. To match Chad's time off at Christmas, even though we aren't traveling, I'll need five of those. That leaves one lonely vacation day. Chad and I have talked about going home over a weekend... driving in to Huntsville on Friday, picking up a U-Haul trailer to hold stuff we need to bring back, and coming back through Memphis - arriving home Monday, having spent about 24 hours with each set of parents, and about 30 hours on the road. This, you might have noticed, takes two vacation days, which puts me short at Christmas, which I think at this point is inevitable. Add to this the complication that there's a wedding in Huntsville in early November that I'm kind of expected to attend (except it's not really a wedding, I suppose, but that's another story). Plus, the longer we wait, the more uncomfortable I'll be traveling. And thus the more whining Chad will have to endure on the drive.
So the long and short of this becomes... when do I go home? Later, to meet family obligations to attend a wedding, and when my dad might be a little better (if he doesn't get worse)? Or earlier, when I can (possibly) be more help, and will be more comfortable, but will miss the other family events?
Blah. To complicate this even more, I'm not sure my folks will be here for Thanksgiving, as I'm not sure they'll have the money to travel, or that Dad will be well enough to travel. And since I can't go home at all in December or January, that was supposed to be Christmas for us. And I don't know if my mom will be able to come out for as long as she was planning to in February to help with/see the baby. And Chad's parents haven't made any plans to come visit us before the end of the year, or after the baby comes (they will, I'm sure, but no plans yet). So me going home is my big chance to visit, until I'm able to travel with the baby, which will be like, the middle or end of March, at best.
So yeah, words have failed me lately. Life, it seems, goes on day by day, regardless of everything else. And day to day, life isn't all that bad. It when you lump all the days together that it starts to get overwhelming, I guess.
Pictures... So they let Dad out of the hospital early (when does that ever happen?)... he went home Saturday, and is supposed to be taking it easy :-) He wants to go back to work in 2 weeks, but the doctor wants him to wait a month.
Here's a picture of Dad with no hair and his surgery scar (at least he got to keep his beard)
Update on Daddy So Daddy made it through the surgery ok yesterday... Mom said that when she got to see him he was talking ok, and reading, so no problems there. He's still in NICU, but they are hoping to move him to a regular room today or tomorrow. Once they do that, maybe I'll get to talk to him (no cell phones in the hospital, and you can't call into ICU).
Mom is looking for a nursing job in Huntsville (she had turned in her letter of resignation from her current job literally hours before they found Dad's tumor)... So yeah, if you know of anything available for LPNs, I can pass it on to her.
Back in Houston We're back, and only a little worse for the wear. We got back to the house at like, 4:30am... so I'm sitting here at work desparately trying to stay awake. I can't leave until after a 3pm meeting... so yeah. Long day. Longer for Chad, who hasn't slept at all (I stole about 2 1/2 hours of sleep this morning).
Daddy has surgury to (hopefully) remove the tumor on Thursday afternoon. Right now he's home, getting IV steroids to prepare him... but the steroids are sending his blood sugar through the roof... so he's having to watch that pretty carefully.
Mom said the doctor we "optimistic" about the surgury, whatever that means. Best case: Dad shows no after effects. Worse case: he looses all or part of his speech capabilities.
Chelsea came to stay for two weeks and help us pack and get ready to move... so that should be fun.
Blah. So we're leaving for Huntsville tonight, after I get home from work. We might stop partway and spend the night somewhere, but not sure. We threw enough stuff in the suitcase last night to last us the weekend... And Chad's supposed to be calling the neighbor to see if she can watch the animals.
His tumor is about the size of a golf ball. He has an appointment Friday with the radiologist to discuss radiation treatment, and not doing chemo at this point.
Monday, he talks to the neurosurgeon about whether they can take the tumor out.
Wednesday, he talks to the family doc about monitoring his blood sugar while on radiation.
Meanwhile, he can't drive, because he might have a seizure, so Mandie is driving him everywhere. And they put him on some drugs to reduce the swelling in his brain.
They are 90%-100% sure it's cancer. Not sure exactly what kind or whatever, but they are going to run some more tests and stuff. Dad has an appointment with Dr. Dang (his oncologist) on Wednesday... they are going to discuss what treatments are available (including whatever MD Anderson and Baylor have to offer, which wasn't really an option last time, but is now since I live in Houston). I might, depending on what the doc says, run home for the weekend, but we're not sure at this point. We're playing the waiting game.
please pray... Please pray for my family. My mom called, and said the doctor thinks they've found cancer in Dad's brain. This is pretty sudden, as he's been in remission for a while now, with only a few "false alarms" on his PET scans.
I'm back at school. Yay. My car is broke again. Not yay.
ok. So here's my life at the moment, in a nutshell:
Daddy is done with chemo. We think. For now. But we don't know, because the insurance is making a fuss about paying for another PET scan to find out how the cancer responded. At some point, in the future, after they decide it really is cost effective to pay for it... then he'll have the test, and find out whether he needs more chemo and whether he needs stronger (read: worse) chemo.
I have buttloads of stuff to do in the next three weeks. This week, I have a 20 page lab report to compile... like, tonight, so i can show the draft to the group tomorrow. And turn it in on Friday. Next week, I have at least one test, several homework assignments due, and two major programs due. And I'm missing class one of those days. The week after that, I'm going to feel like crap, and I have another major program due, and more homework and crap.... it never gets any better. I'm going to be doing homework until I die.
The doc thinks he's figured out what's wrong with me... and hopefully, this will be the fix-all cure. No more sick Deedee. We hope. *sigh* I hate being sick. It sucks. A lot.
Chad's going to Tulane this weekend for the game. I'm not. I'm doing homework... and maybe watching some movies or something. We'll see.
Meanwhile... I will either get like, no blogging done in the next week or so, or I'll blog insessently (spelling, anyone?) to relieve stress. meanwhile... I must code, for I am supposed to be in class in like, 30 minutes.
P.S. hacking computers can get you in trouble. So. Hypothetically. If you were going to hack. Don't get caught. :-)
Interesting. Blogger looks much different than it did this morning... maybe it's cause I'm on a mac. but I doubt it. I think they changed something and didn't tell me. hmph.
Anyway. So.... About life since the blog went down.
I am still not entirely well... but, as of yet, the docotrs aren't going to do anything about it. I go see the surgeon on the 8th (Monday), but he probably won't do anything either. Meanwhile, I'm supposed to think good thoughts and concentrate on getting better, all while maintaining a decent gpa and getting 8-10 hours of sleep a night. Ha. Ha. Ha.
So I'm doing ok grade wise this semester... I'm a little behind, but catching up fast... I haven't missed a due date for anything yet *knocks on desk* And I got 100 on both my first quiz of the year, and my first programming assignment (the Python one)... which makes me very happy.
Having Chad in town is really nice... not that we see that much more of each other :-) His work schedule and my class schedule are at odds at the moment... but it's all good. It's interesting adjusting to having him back...
Dad is doing his last (we hope) round of chemo this week... we'll know by the end of this week or next week whether its working, and what they want to do next.
Underworld comes out in a couple weeks... I'm psyched about that :-) Chad's happy because there's a movie I actually want to go see... I'm happy becase it's all about vampires and stuff... everybody's happy.
I think I'm going on an interesting outing this weekend... minus Chad, who will prolly go home to Memphis. I also have to go home sometime this weekend (like, saturday or Sunday) so I'm home for my appt. on Monday. This will also entail missing all of my classes Monday... but may allow me to vote in Tuesday's election, like, not by absentee. That would be fun. Unless they decide to cut me open or something, I should be back for class on Tuesday (I don't have class until 11)... which is good, because Dr. Clifford will hate me forever if I miss class. And we don't want our teachers to hate us.
anyway.... I must run and do homework. Some more. For like, forever. Or at least until 7 or so... then I get to go to Wesley. And after Wesley.... more homework. Yay.
Dude... I have missed so many good quotes by not having my blog up. you have no idea. *sigh* I'll have to see if I can catch up. Today's quote:
I hate calling people I don't know. *sigh* but that's life.
So it's Wednesday... and I'm at work. And I'm tired. And I hafta go to church tonight. Because Daddy's sick and can't take the little kids. Maybe I can find a quiet corner of one of the room to curl up and take a nap.... or not... naps might be dangerous. Maybe I can read. Reading is restful.
I feel guilty... because it's raining, and I'm enjoying the rain. And parts of Huntsville are still under water... so the last thing we need is more rain... but I like rain... When it rains, everything is ok. (unless your house is under 2 feet of water, I guess)... *sigh* I'm such an awful person... rejoicing in somehting that causes other people so much trouble...
Oh hey, random space excitement for the week: Be sure the catch the lunar ecplise Thursday night... it should be really visible anytime between 22:14 and 23:07, CDT. At least it should be, if it clears up around here.
Interesting note related to Daddy... My dad may soon become a pothead... or... well... something like it. Several people have suggested to him that medical marijuana might help him when he doing chemo. It's supposed to help a lot with the nausea and the pain... so he's going to ask Dr. Dang about it. What was recommended was the pills, mostly... although someone mentioned marijuana tea. Just an interesting note.
Too funny to not post here... think it'll work for me?
BTW, I blog spasticly at work... I keep a notepad window open, and type whatever comes to mind inbetween like, actually working and stuff. And then i post it all whenever I get a chance... so my post may be a little random. Just a little.
Hey hey hey.... send your name to a comet! How cool is that? Now my name will be on Mars, and on a comet! (I sent my name to Mars last summer). You get a spiffed out certificate, too...
Ah... finally. A "real" assignment. I get to design PawPoint slides for a big NASAexplores presentation. *sigh* The life of an intern is so demanding. *grin*
This is my brain..... in part, at least.
