You treat life like a picture / But its not a moment frozen in time So there’s been a lot going on in my head lately, most of which doesn’t translate well into language, much less blog-world. Just a lot of rambling stuff, I suppose, about growing up, friends, family, and life in general. And I’ll throw some religion and politics in there, just to spice it up a bit.
But yeah. Point is, I really haven’t had much to say. That anyone wants to read. Or for that matter, that I want to write. But, one of my brain ramblings has produced a series of thought that (I think) are actually post worthy, so here goes:
I always have these high plans for things… like this year, I started out with some goals (some realistic, some... well, will take some work, at best). And I go along pretty well for a while on the adrenaline of accomplishing things... I think, this is awesome! And then I miss a day (or whatever)… and I spend so much time beating myself up over the missed part, and feeling like I screwed everything up (I tell myself I’m good at that), that I miss the next one, and the one after... and after a while, I’m like, what’s the point? I've already "fallen off the wagon"... so I might as well not try (after all, I'll probably just mess up again).
And then I get to a point, again, where I’m faced with the consequences of not having done whatever (for example... having 8000 loads of laundry to do, because I put it off… who knew we owned so many clothes? Or having gained weight because I was too tired/lazy to cook, and we ate fast food several times during the week)... and I say to myself... Self, if you had done what you were supposed to, you wouldn’t be here. So I jump back on the wagon, and resolve to do better. Next time. Next week. Next year. Whatever.
I’m working through the FlyLady system... which I really like. But I’ve been doing the crash-and-burn cycle for like, 6 months. I keep reading: "You’re not behind, just jump in where you are", and I think... sure, I’ll jump in. As soon as I get caught up on the dishes. As soon as the laundry is done. As soon as the house is clean. As soon as I lose the 10 pounds I gained over the holidays. As soon as I find the perfect notebook to hold my control journal. As soon as I’m not behind…
The point is, I need to not get so hung up on the "wrongs", and learn to bounce back. Without falling off the wagon. I need to celebrate the "rights", and remember why I’m trying to make changes / do things better. And to see the big picture, not just the tiny corner that says this isn’t working.
So, following that idea, here are the things I’ve accomplished so far this year:
I have started eating healthier, most days of the week (this includes cooking healthier dinners, which has been kind of hit-and-miss, and packing lunch).
I have managed to work out for at least 15 minutes at least twice a week (go ten minute workout dvds!)
I cleaned out one drawer of the dresser and (finally) started using some of the drawer dividers I bought forever ago.
I got (with Chad’s help) almost half of the dvds scanned and into the new cataloging software I bought.
Chad and I cleaned out most of the garage in preparation to make it into a martial arts workout room (this was a huge task).
I’ve been drinking more water (not back up to 8 glasses a day consistently, but working on it).
I have entirely cut out caffeinated soda, and only drink soda at all if I’m out at a restaurant.
You say it won't happen again So it's a new year. Yay for that. And I made resolutions and stuff, which aren't really important at this point, but the basis of all of them was to keep on keeping on... and to take better care of me.
I'm not sure what all is going to happen this year, but I know it's going to be crazy. And weird. And scary. Like last year, but more so. And hopefully a little less drama (no really, I mean it).
Nothing I say will wash it away I'm standing in the pouring rain You say it won't happen again You're manic, manic There is a chemical in your brain It's pouring sunshine and rage You can never know what to expect You're manic, manic
I hear you say, that I'm totally a mess So I absolutely hate New Years resolutions. Because I make the same ones every year. You know: keep the house cleaner, lose weight, eat healthier, be a nicer person in general... And by January 15th (if I'm lucky) I've managed to screw them all up to such a point that I give up. This I suppose, is the quintessential problem with being a perfectionist... I'm not perfect.
So I didn't make any this year.
But now I have a better plan. Instead of resolutions, which are made once a year (usually when the house is still full of Christmas candy and such), and are easy to screw up... I'm just going to try and start good habits. And if I screw up a couple of days in between... I don't need to "catch back up", only jump back in where I left off.
This is my brain..... in part, at least.
